genomeboy.com

On a dark coastal highway, nucleic acid in my hair
Warm smell of venture capital, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw blood, spit and sperm
My head grew heavy and my wallet grew light
I had to start a firm

There she stood in the lab bay;
Loading an agarose gel
And I was thinking to myself,
’This could be DNA or this could be cells’
Then she lit up a lightbox and she showed me the way
There were voices on the conference call,
I thought I heard them say…

Welcome to the Hotel Varioma
Such a competitive race
Such a competitive space
Plenty of room at the Hotel Varioma
Every fiscal year, you can find it here

Her tree is ancestry-twisted, Affy she aided and abetted
She got a lot of discrete, discreet traits, that she calls vetted
How they drool in the test tubes, sweet summer spit
Some drool to empower, some drool to transmit

So I called up the FDA,
’Please give me a sign’
They said, ’We haven’t had that spirit here since nineteen ninety-nine,’
And still enforcement discretion is far away,
Shut you down in the middle of the night
Before you hear them say…

Welcome to the Hotel Varioma
Such a competitive race
Such a competitive space
Plenty of room at the Hotel Varioma
What a Judas kiss, better cease and desist

Genotypes we’re revealing,
Your DNA’s on ice
And she said ’This is all just home brew here, it’s not a medical device’
And in the judge’s chambers,
They gathered for the meal
They slap it with their regulations,
But they just can’t close the deal

Last thing I remember, I was
Checking my results
I had to find the passage back
To the world of consenting adults
’Relax,’ said the house doc,
‘We are programmed to protest.
You can market anywhere you like,
But you can never test!’